Achieving Balance

By Ruth McGinnis

My client arrived for her fitness training session uncharacteristically frazzled and late. Carol, an accountant who, by all appearances, seamlessly juggled career and motherhood, was not having a good day. Five minutes into our warm-up, she dissolved into tears. Carol had been up most of the night with her 3-year-old son and was exhausted from lack of sleep. Her husband's company was downsizing, adding pressure to his job and putting a strain on their marriage. Carol's business was thriving, but she was overwhelmed by her workload. On top of all this, she was expecting out-of-town guests and the thought of preparing for company was more than she could bear.

Carol was overextended in every area of her life, and completely out of balance. The appointment she kept with me once a week for self-care barely made a dent in the deficit of her reserves. By the end of our session - involving many tears and little exercise - Carol admitted that her finely-tuned life wasn't working. She left still exhausted, but determined to reclaim some balance in her life.

Carol's story is not unique. The late 20th century myth of "having it all" and "doing it all" has culminated in an epidemic of burnout, exhaustion and people pushed to the breaking point. Consider these characteristics of "normal life" in the 1990s:

• Most Americans get 11/2 to two hours less sleep each night than people used to get near the turn-of-the-century. Sleep deprivation and disorders affect millions of Americans, according to the National Sleep Foundation, with devastating impact on immune system function, motor skills and mental concentration.

• The family unit, which psychologist Mary Pipher, Ph.D., author of The Shelter of Each Other, calls "our oldest and most precious institution and our last great hope," is crumbling. Of first marriages, 50% end in divorce, and traditional family problems are today compounded by invasive technology, economic pressures, drugs, crime and moral decay.

• Thanks to television and other electronic media, we now have a steady stream of information pouring into our living rooms - most of it upsetting, little of it that we can affect. Dr. Andrew Weil, in his book Natural Health, Natural Medicine, writes that "most news reports increase anxiety, (and) give us new possibilities for worry...News can also affect our mental state profoundly."

• Financial stress is another presence in today's mainstream culture. Baby boomers worry about the enormous financial burden of putting children through college, while planning for retirement. Credit card use, allowing people to spend money they don't have, burdens the American household with an average monthly balance of $5,800. Robert H. Frank, author of Luxury Fever, has said 40% of respondents in a recent survey say it would be "a big problem" to deal with an unexpected bill for $1,000.

Given that this is only a sampling of the pressures affecting us all in one way or another today, it is easy to see why maintaining balance can be a challenge. We were not designed to thrive without adequate rest and sleep, the support of family and community, and a sense of stability and well-being. Bursting into tears or seething with anger that is out of context with the situation at hand is a dead giveaway that the sense of balance we need to be healthy and productive is lacking in our day-to-day life.

Balance is especially important for those of us who provide wellness-promoting services. We must be able to communicate to our clients that the way they choose to live on a daily basis either complements or negates the healing work they do in a session with us. More importantly, we have a responsibility to demonstrate balance in the way we live our own lives, because when we are out of balance, we have nothing of value to give. Our clients receive less than they deserve, and we have to face the hypocrisy of the example we set as "wellness professionals" feeling anything but well.

A regrettable professional experience I had several years ago illustrates this point. A young woman called me to get her started on a fitness routine. She had to meet early in the morning, a full hour earlier than I was accustomed to scheduling appointments. Despite my better judgement, I agreed to take her on, figuring the extra income would make up for the short-term sleep deprivation.

The morning of our first appointment I woke up with raging menstrual cramps on top of a poor night's sleep. Bad planning left me scrambling to find health questionnaires and consent forms before leaving the house. Near my client's home I realized I had left an important piece of equipment behind, and would have to improvise without it for this initial session. Traffic was worse than usual and I arrived 15 minutes late, miserable and on the verge of tears. I was furious with myself for organizing my time so poorly and for accepting this client against my better judgement. The fact I had been the architect of this disaster only added to my feelings of humiliation and failure.

The challenge of maintaining balance in life is, in some ways, harder for those of us who keep one-on-one appointments. We are every bit as susceptible to the daily stresses and frenzied pace of today's world as are our clients. Additionally, giving personal, focused attention to one person after another is emotionally and physically draining. Yet, our profession, by nature, holds us to a high standard of authenticity and balance. The clients who come to us in hope of enhancing their experience of life, assume we have attained the state of well-being they seek.

So how can we consistently maintain balance in life and encourage our clients to do the same? Balance begins with a willingness to look at our lives objectively, and identify where we are overextended. An easy way to do this is by leafing back through your appointment book.

Take an unflinching look at your workload, the number of appointments you keep each day, the amount of time you have between clients and how often you take a day off. Do you regularly schedule time for family, friends, meals, walks and recreation, or do the only names in your book belong to clients? How often do you schedule your own preventive maintenance, regular exercise or a massage? Are there enough hours between the last commitment of your day and the first appointment you keep in the morning to get the sleep you need to feel rested? As you take this inventory, be honest with yourself about the schedule you keep. What looks great on paper is not always doable in real life. Upon review, most people are amazed at how hard they work, and how little time they have for themselves.

The next step toward balanced living is knowing yourself. This simply means knowing what works and doesn't work for you and what you need to function efficiently. My experience with the early morning client taught me that appointments before 8 a.m. do not work for me.

Think back through your most nightmarish experiences with a client. What combination of poor organization or lack of self care pushed you over the edge? Is there a pattern to your chaotic episodes and what steps can you take to avoid repeating them? Sometimes the simplest adjustments can make a profound difference. For instance, recognize your best hours for work and be true to yourself when scheduling clients. Keep your car maintained and gas tank filled. Set a firm cancellation policy; maintain an emergency fund to buffer against inevitable "slow" times. Always have the tools of your trade on hand, plus extras.

Perhaps the most important step in the ongoing pursuit of balance is to be yourself - be real. Look at your life honestly, know yourself and honor your needs. Above all, be who you are. There is a tendency in the wellness profession to find ourselves on a pedestal as a result of client admiration or our own egos run amuck. The "body industry" has too many self-important gurus. It is possible to achieve professional excellence and remain humble. Foster a sense of humility. The best way to encourage clients as they struggle for balance - or burst into tears mid-session - is to admit that we dissolve into tears ourselves from time to time. These chaotic times will continue to stress the most serene among us, but by embracing balance as a priority in our lives, we can all move toward balance as a reality.

Ruth McGinnis is a certified personal trainer and wellness advisor, author and motivational speaker. Her first book, The Good Life, (Thomas Nelson, 1998), a realistic guide to healthy living, has received high praise from the health, fitness and therapeutic fields. Visit her Web site - www.ruthmcginnis.com, or call 615/292-6895.

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